Over the past couple of days, my hometown (Greeley), has gotten a good amount of snow. According to the Greeley Tribune, over a foot! As I’ve been seeing the Facebook posts and statuses of friends in the area, I’m not going to lie, I have been jealous. Here in Colorado Springs it has been bitter cold and windy. If it’s going to be so cold, couldn’t we enjoy the beauty and wonder of snow at the same time? We weren’t having the weather other people were having, and I am discontent.
I get emails from Groupon and LivingSocial on a regular basis about deals they are offering on nice hotels and vacations in Colorado and around the world. I always open them up and check out the options and wonder, “Maybe we could go to Glenwood Springs this weekend,” or, “Maybe we could swing a trip to San Francisco…if we dip into our savings.” And then I realize that unless we don’t want to eat food for the next two or three weeks, we shouldn’t go to Glenwood, and if we want to be financially responsible, we shouldn’t use our savings to go on an unnecessary and impulsive trip. But, I reason, we didn’t get to go on a honeymoon. Can’t we justify a weekend away? I don’t get what I think I deserve, and I am discontent.
A few weeks ago, we found out the my car needs roughly $4,000 worth of repairs. My car is most definitely not even worth that amount. And do I even have that kind of money lying around? Well…yes. The Lord has blessed me with a college fund I didn’t have to use for college. However, I want to use it for traveling, not for fixing/replacing something that seems to already work fine. I don’t want to fix something that isn’t broken on the outside, but I am frequently told of the danger of continuing to drive my car to places beyond the grocery store and don’t want to end up stranded somewhere between here and Greeley. I don’t understand why this would happen right now, and I am discontent.
Here is where I think discontentment (oftentimes) comes from. Focusing on what we lack. Sure, I lack snow and a honeymoon/exotic vacation, and a car that is free from needing repairs. However, I do have the stunning mountains outside of every window in my home. And a place to be warm and safe when it is bitter cold and windy outside. I also have a husband, which means that I am married (!!!), without which I couldn’t be longing for a honeymoon. And we are going to ALASKA this summer, compliments of my generous grandparents. I have a stash of money that we can use to buy a reliable used car, and regardless of whether or not we want to use it, it is here for us to steward well, and if I legitimately need a car to get me around (and out of) town, then we have no reason not to use it.
This discontentment is destroying where I am right now (which I might add, is a very, very beautiful place). A husband to love and cherish, a town to explore and get to know, all kinds of people waiting to become friends, and family that is faithful and caring. In other words, blessings upon blessings. Discontentment makes it very hard for me to see all this joy I’ve been given for what it is, and to genuinely give thanks for it all, right where I am at, right now.
Oh, and I might add, that this morning, we woke up to wet streets, thanks to some rain we got overnight. And totally unexpectedly, it started snowing later on. Oh the beauty and joy! Thanks, Lord.