The bf is going away this summer, and for the past five months, I have had a really horrid attitude about it.
I’ve said things like, “He just needs another adventure before moving onto real life (getting a job, a wife, a dog, etc.).”
I’ve told the bf that him going to Bangladesh must mean that he likes his friends more than me.
I’ve opposed him going in every way possible.
I’ve acted out of fear, insecurity, anger, jealousy, and frustration.
I’ve rejected the idea that he’s going to Bangladesh because God is telling him and have insisted that he is going out of his own desires and dreams.
I’ve made this journey difficult for both of us – he’s surely felt like a bad boyfriend and inadequate man who cannot be trusted to seek the Lord and make decisions, and I haven’t felt too great either. Tearing people down and apart and punishing them relentlessly isn’t exactly a life-giving activity, even for me.
In less than a month, the bf will be off. Yes, it will be an adventure and yes, he will be joining his best friend and his discipler. But I will not be opposing him. I will be believing that he is going to Bangladesh because of Jesus and that him taking this flight across the Pacific Ocean for seven weeks is not about promoting his own dreams and desires but rather about laying them down so that the name of Jesus can be lifted high.
I’ve been reading this spectacular book, “Wild Goose Chase” by Mark Batterson. Igniting passions, changing routines, praying, spontaneity, abandoning assumptions, but most of all chasing the Wild Goose (the Holy Spirit). And. it. is. so. good.
I read this today:
“Chasing the Wild Goose is recognizing which way the wind of the Spirit is blowing and responding to it. It requires a moment by moment sensitivity to the Wild Goose. And you have to trust His promptings more than you trust your own plans” (Batterson 134).
Following the Spirit in my own life means releasing my plans into His hands (or wings). For me, it looks like trusting the Spirit in leading the bf to go to Bangladesh this summer. Trusting that Jesus is doing with the bf as He desires and according to the plans he has for he bf (and for me). Because, believe it or not, God is far more concerned about my future than I am. One more line from Mr. Batterson’s book…”God often uses the things that seem to be taking us off our course to keep us on His course” (122).
God has such a sweet course set out before me. I have no idea what it entails or the good that will come of it, but I do know two things: God is good and God is in control. I need to ask Jesus to make my belief in those statements more than just head knowledge. As I believe with my entire being that God is good and God is in control, I’ll learn to surrender and I’ll learn to trust and I’ll learn to laugh at the days to come. Including those that involve the bf going to a far off land to do crazy God-filled things.