As I walked into the university center today, I saw a girl walking out with a parrot perched on her finger. How cool is that?
Today’s been a rough day. Well, mostly everything has been good, but one ‘bad’ part sticks out and those ‘bad’ parts often overwhelm the ‘good’ majority. So I got excited when I saw this parrot. I probably won’t mention it to anyone, because it’s not really a big deal at all, and it’s not like I love parrots or anything. In fact, I have a fear of birds. Some people (ahem…bf…) call it an irrational fear. Dictionary.com says that irrational means “without the faculty of reason; deprived of reason.” I have plenty of reasons to be scared of birds, so clearly it is not irrational.
Something else cool? Tomorrow is a good friend of mine’s 25th birthday! I don’t know many 25 year olds. And if I do, I don’t really consider them good friends. She’s having a small soiree (party or gathering held in the evening) and is making her own cake. That’s how you know you’re old, when you make your own birthday cake.
And another? My best Chinese friend here in America came over to my parents’ house last night before we went to Walmart. They love her, she loves them…it’s awesome. She bought her ticket to go home (to China) a couple of days ago which has made my heart heavy. Having friends live 6,864 miles away is difficult. Granted, she’ll be here for 3 more months, but knowing that she will leave and has a ticket to prove it makes it more real.
Here’s something sad: I really wanted to go to the JJ Heller concert tonight, but didn’t want to go alone and didn’t know who to ask, so I finally told the bf. He explored it a bit, but I didn’t hear anything about it afterwards. Last night he asked me what was going on tonight. I said nothing besides Life Group. No way was I going to remind him that I still wanted to go to the concert. I’m pretty certain he’s still forgotten. It’s possible that he ‘forgot’ last night to make me think we’re not going, and then he’ll surprise me tonight, but I can often get a feel for if he’s trying to trick me or not. Something happy: JJ Heller still has a blog. And albums. There’s no need to drive an hour or so just to see her in person, I suppose.
Something else sad: I approached my roommate today about something that’s been bothering me for a while. She listened and we talked about it together, but she essentially told me that it’s my fault and I need to just get over it. It’s so hard for me to broach hard topics like this one, especially because being shut down is so hurtful. It felt like my feelings were ridiculous in her sight and me waiting to tell her was way out of line. I was upset for quite a while this morning and the feelings continue as I think about it right now. I feel like an intruder and idiot in my own home.
Opening up to people can be so hard. In both of the sad situations listed above, I had to open up about something personal to my heart and important in my eyes. In both I felt listened to at first, but quickly that changed to feelings of disappointment and frustration. Of deep hurt that comes with allowing my feelings to be seen by others and then treated carelessly by the ones looking in. Why open up when it’s so painful? Why even try?